I do. I know it sounds strange, especially for those of you who really know me. My friend Manda (mom of twins I speak of often from my "due date club") lost her beautiful 9 month old daughter, Aleah, in Feb. 2007. I will never be the same because of this mom and her beautiful angel daughter. She recently introduced me to a blog of a woman who lost her 3 year old daughter. Every time I read that blog, I cry. I cry for that beautiful little girl and her mom and for Manda and Aleah and for every mom who ever has lost their child. I cant stop myself from immediately imagining what it would be to lose one of my own children, and the truth is, I cannot. I can cry these tears and gasp in pain at the loss of someone elses child, but the reality is that I experience only the tiniest fraction of what these moms have endured, what they have lost, and what kind of strength they require to keep going on.
I gain so much from these daily tears, I have to tell you. I remember how truly lucky I am to have these beautiful children. Each tear, tantrum, mess, and frustration is symbolic of the life that lives on under this roof. Of how very precious each moment is and how important my job is as these kids mom. I dont want to just manage my days and make it through. I want these children to know exactly how special they are, how beautiful, and most importantly, how loved. People comment all the time on how they dont know how I do it (clearly in reference to the 3 at 2 and under factor) and I completely understand the innocence of the question. But it has me thinking...why should I just endure this as the question almost implies? I dont endure this everyone....I truly love it. And I am honoured to have this important job. How heartbreaking that in order to come to this conclusion at this point in my life, I read a blog and cry a river of tears for someone elses beautiful lost child. But, these children have impacted so many people this way. Have inspired so many moms to be so much better parents. To understand their true responsibility to their kids has nothing to do with "making it through", but rather to be a tool their child can learn to fly with.