Dear fat lips, "cappy" bums, and "dootbags" (Svea's expression for those she is annoyed with), I am taking the weekend off. Starting tomorrow. Your dad and I are headed to Banff, just the two of us, where we can ski, eat fancy dinners, and drink alcohol laden beverages with little to no guilt, and much less interruption.
Please be easy on your grandparents, who bravely assumed responsibility while your parents ran, giggling, barely looking over our shoulders, off to the the Rockies.
Now, to get specific:
Svea, please do not tell your grandmas (and Nanny's) about how your slinky "is all ___cked up". I threw it away, slapped your father, and tried to have an adult conversation about appropriate language around toddlers (yah, ME...). By the time I was done, he heard about how calling Barney a "Homo" may not actually be a swear, but remains inappropriate none-the-less. Sighhh. Please do not refer to Hayden as a "dootbag" (aka Dirtbag, compliments of mom, who thought this sounded so much better than other alternatives that your father has been teaching you).
Olivia, I know you feel emotions stronger than the average toddler, but if you could refrain from desperately begging your poor grandparents to put you to bed for the sole purpose of sucking on your silly "doo doo", that would be much appreciated. And by the way, you are not Jacob Two Two, so please refrain from repeating things with such rapid repetition that your grandparents become sure they are hearing an echo. Lastly, please, do not try to drown, smother, squash, or kill your brother on any level while we are gone.
Lastly, Hayden. Please, do not create any need for emergency hospital visits due to split lips, black eyes, broken bones, or anything of the sort due to your extreme climbing or fighting with siblings. Please realize you will one day be an adult male and give up the 24/7 need to suck on a pacifier. Love those Grandparents as they love you.
See you on Monday.
We could be slightly hung over and very sore, but we should be much better, well rested parents on our return.
Love you lots,
Mommy and Daddy